This is how the world looks to me. Clear where my glasses are, but extremely fuzzy and distorted wherever my glasses are not. I’ve had poor vision since I was 4 years old. Really poor vision. Pitiful, lousy, embarrassingly horrible vision. It’s time for a change.
So, I’m having my vision corrected. The docs all said that I’m not a candidate for LASIK because of my retardedly high prescription (-11 and 12 including astigmatism) and thin corneas. Woop-de-do for me! This, however, made me a perfect candidate for an operation called Visian ICL. What they do is inject a tiny contact lens in between your iris and the eye’s natural lens. They made it all seem so glamorous and easy in the video they made me watch when I went in for a “free evaluation.” The lady with the big eyes bulging out of her skull (that seriously must’ve been a nice easy target for the doctors to perform surgery on) said “It’s so wonderful, I can see my alarm clock when I wake up in the morning!” The groggy girl in the video who was shown just sitting up from the surgery seemed groggily happy about being able to read the clock the charismatic doctor was holding up across the room.
Super! This sounds great! Sign me up! I said.. not knowing.. not knowing…
What they don’t tell you initially is that you have to go in for an EKG before the surgery to determine that you have a pulse and therefore are able to go through with the surgery.
For those of you who have never had an EKG before, it goes something like this:
Doc: Take your shirt off and put on this gown that doesn’t cover anything but it’s made of paper and is super stylish.
Me: Umm, okay… bra too?
Doc: Yeah.
Now lie down and relax. Don’t move.
*Meanwhile, she’s taping all of these clamps to my chest which are connected to this strange looking machine.
“Relax! You’re thinking too much.”
Me: *thinking* Well duh…
15 mins later…
Doc: Well, that reading will have to do I suppose.
Me: Did I pass?
—-The Pre-Phakic—- (aka torture)
This was the pre-surgery laser, where they create holes in your eyeball so they can inject the contact lens later. A week later.
I was extremely nervous going into this. Somehow I knew that this was not going to be a good time.
I sat in the waiting room, trying not to think of the horrible events that I was about to experience. A nurse comes out with three bottles of eyedrops and some tape. She puts the tape over my left eyebrow “So we don’t accidentally do the wrong eye.”
WTF? I should’ve turned and ran at this early warning sign.
She proceeds to put these painful drops in my eye, one after the other. She hands me a wad of tissues to sop up the chemical mess that’s dripping down my face.
My vision starts to blur. After about 5 minutes I can’t see anything near or far away with my left eye, and it is aching like I just got a fresh shiner.
I give up on reading the waiting room magazines and elect to sit there looking lovely, with white tape over my eyebrow, eyes closed, and one hand blocking the harsh flourescent lights above me. She comes back 15 minutes later for the second set of drops. 15 minutes after that, another set of drops. A very unpersonable nurse guy ushers me into exam room and tells me they need to perform some tests. He stated his name. Sorry buddy, but I don’t care what your name is! I was freaking out by this point.
He tells me to sit down, and pushes my chin into the torture device and forehead into the bar. I was like “Is this just testing? Or…”
The doctor doesn’t answer and shoves this tube thing into my eye, under my eyelids so I can’t blink. He tells me to look at this red light with my right eye. He tells me I’m going to hear a crackling sound and feel pressure in the back of my head. Oh, so this is IT? Thanks for telling me.
I can see the laser in my left eye, and it kind of looks like those scanning machines that you’re not supposed to look into at the supermarket. I hear “CLICK!” “CLICK!” As the doctor pulls the trigger. Five minutes of this as the doctor lasers the colored part of my eye. I couldn’t move, couldn’t even swallow for fear that he might laser my whole eyeball off instead. I was freaking out, palms sweaty… visibly shaking at this point but the nurse was good at pushing my head forcefully against the bar so I didn’t move. The experience is hard to describe… the only way I can think to describe it is like something inside your eye is clicking…and you can feel crackling sensation behind your eyeball. Not pleasant.
A long, painful 5 minutes later… “You’re done. I want to see you back at the other office at 1:30. Here are some prescriptions.”
We go get some pizza and fill the prescriptions. I elected to eat the pizza in the car because I didn’t want everyone in the pizza parlor to think I was cooler than them with my swollen eyelid and flimsy sunglasses they gave me.
We go back to the OTHER office. My vision was starting to come back but my eye was throbbing. The doc looks at my eye with a bright mirror light thing. He said the words I reallly didn’t want to hear: “We have to do it again. One of the holes has closed up. I’ll meet you back at the surgery center in 30-40 minutes.”
WHAT!!! YOU MESSED UP THE FIRST TIME… NOW YOU HAVE TO PUT ME THROUGH THAT AGAIN?
I was none too happy. So back to the surgery center. More drops. More drops. More drops. My pockets were literally overflowing with all of the tissues they had given me so far.
They escort me into another exam room. My vision is back to blur-mo because of the drops. I have a throbbing headache, and my eyes are watering a thick paste.
They put my head into a torture device again, only this is a different one… an argon laser apparently. He puts the eyeball tube back on. A BRIGHT LIGHT, no seriously… BRIIIIIGGGHT light flashes this time everytime he hits the trigger. I couldn’t see… the light was so painful that it was sheer torture… nothing more, nothing less. Five minutes of this… excruciating. My eyes were pouring water… both of them. My jeans were soaked from all of the water dripping off my face. I couldn’t keep my other eye open and literally felt as if I’d died, or wish I had… because of all of the bright light in my occular cavity.
He takes the tube out of my eye, and said he needed to do an additional laser in another room. I was so disoriented at this point. I couldn’t see. My eyes were gushing. I was almost crying because it hurt so bad.
I stumble down the hallway to the other torture room. More drops, drops, drops. This laser was like the first with the clicking, which wasn’t as bad, but at this point my eyes were so swollen and messed up from the first two times, this time it was no picnic. He re-inserts the eye tube. Five more minutes of “CLICK! CLICK!” I could definitely hear, feel, and see the crackling in the back of my eye this time.
They took the eye tube out, and said I was done but I literally could not get up for at least five minutes. At this point I had used up every single tissue in my pocket to sop up my eye goop and used about a dozen more the nurse gave me.
I finally got up and said “Let’s get out of here.”
The best part is, the doctor said he wants to see me back in there tomorrow to make sure the laser “took.” You’d better bet your balls that it did, buddy, because I’m not going through that laser again. I’m cancelling the entire surgery if you can’t get it right the second time.
So I got home, took some sleeping pills, and woke up 3 hours later.
My pupil is still tiny and I still can’t see well out of my left eye. I’ve been typing this with one eye closed this entire time. It hurts. The nurse said it would “feel like you have an eyelash in your eye.” If by eyelash, you mean an entire herd of elephants, then yes. It literally feels like they burned holes in my eyeball, which is what they did, so that’s good I guess.
So that’s it for the lasering of my left eye, hopefully. Then I go in next week for the actual surgery. That same day, they are going to laser my right eye. Oh, what fun.
Oh, and my mouth tastes like horrible chemicals. I figured out why: all those chemicals they put in my eye have dripped down to my mouth and throat. Wonderful!
I just have to keep reminding myself just how badly I want to be able to see properly. Ugh.
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Update: 4/27/08
At this point, I’m not really nervous about the actual surgery. I’m thinking it has to be better than those stupid lasers. Plus I’ll have an IV so I won’t care about anything whatsoever! However I’m sure my attitude will change once I’m sitting in that chair…
I’ve been putting antibiotic ointment on my eyelid every night, and steroid/anti-inflammatory drops in my eye 4 times a day. I hated the drops at first because they would drip and give me a sore throat, but now I kind of like it and look forward to putting the drops in. I think I’m getting addicted!
I keep having to go back into the eye center to have them check to make sure the laser holes haven’t closed up. The doctor sounds worried. Frankly, I am too because I don’t want to have a third laser session in the SAME EYE! So I’m going back in tomorrow for yet another check-up. I’ll let you know how it goes!
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Update: 4/28/08
This morning I went back to the doctor’s office for a pre-surgery check up. Normal people probably don’t have to do this many check ups. The doctor took out a pair of sharp pointy tweezer-looking things and proceeded to shove them in my eye. Apparently, he was measuring parts of my eye. I had to hold REALLY STILL for this, otherwise the pointy tweezers would go straight into my eyeball. I’m not sure if he moved or if I flinched, but at one point, my eyeball got poked. Of course the doctor blamed me and said “You really shouldn’t move,” but I think he was the one who did it. But it’s hard to be certain.
Then he had me follow him into another room. He shined the bright mirror thing in my eye again, prodding my eyelids with his fingers. “This one looks good… oh.. but this one closed up again. We’re going to have to redo it.”
F@$%! I sat back in disbelief. I was speechless. I had already done a repeat iridotomy twice already! How could this be happening? Before going to this appointment, I had told myself that if they had to laser that eye one more time, I would call the surgery off. They sent me to the nice “Refractive Coordinator’s” office to discuss my options. She and the nurse were in aw. “This has never happened before! Wow. Seriously.. wow. Usually people only have to have it done once…!”
I explained to them that if my left eye was going to be this problematic, my right eye would probably be this way too and I would have to go through this whole thing a second time. They were very understanding. After texting my boyfriend several times about it, I decided that if they were willing to do the iridotomy on the right eye just two days before its surgery, instead of one week prior, then I would go through with the surgery. If not, I was walking.
After several minutes of sitting there, my head swimming with doubt and dread, she came back in and said that they would indeed be able to do this in my case. So, they rescheduled the right eye iridotomy and sent me on my way to the surgery center to laser my left eye yet again.
I drove over to the surgery center and sat in the waiting room until the doctor arrived. A very nice nurse came out and gave me the numbing eyedrops. She escorted me to the laser room, the BRIGHT argon laser room. My heart sank. Not that one again!! When the doctor came in, he said “Oh, let’s do this other laser instead.” Phew!
This is becoming all too familiar. “Put your head and chin there.” *insert eye tube* “Stare at this red light with your other eye.” CLICK! CRACKLE CRACKLE CLICK! CLICK! *move eye tube* CLICK! “Okay, looks good! You’re done!”
That’s it??!!! Yay!!! The laser was WAY easier this time.
But wait… did I mention that this time I didn’t have my boyfriend there to drive me home? He’s taken way too much time off of work already for this surgery, and I didn’t expect to go under the laser again. So, I drove myself home… 40 miles home… with my left eye closed because it was still quite blurry and swollen. My depth perception was a little off, but I made it home okay! I felt so good this time that I cleaned my apartment afterwards and even did a little shopping. The nice coordinator lady called me while I was shopping to ask how I was feeling. Great!
My surgery is scheduled for Wednesday… just a day away now. Once again I will let you know how that goes!
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Update: 4/29/08
I take back what I said about not being nervous. I take it all back! I woke up in a cold sweat last night because I started thinking about the impending surgery. I had trouble falling back asleep, and woke up extremely early this morning. I scrubbed and cleaned the entire apartment from floor to ceiling to keep my mind off of it, because whenever I stopped I could feel my stomach churn. I’m not looking forward to tomorrow. I hate surgeries more than almost anything. I was just trying to be brave when I said all of those things before.
My poor, innocent eyeball. Exposed to scalpels and syringes and all sorts of horrible things, and I’ll be powerless to stop them. Surgeries are akin to torture in my book. Maybe I am crazy for ELECTING to have this one.
I hope I’ll be able to see well afterwards. I really, really hope….
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Update: 4/30/08
Back from the eyeball docker! Let me tell you how it went:
I woke up this morning, feeling dehydrated and nervous. Yup, both of those things. We drove to the surgery center, and the closer we got the more nervous I became. The nurses were very reassuring once I arrived though.
They brought me to a bathroom, and asked for me to provide a urine sample. Apparently it’s policy for girls. Yup ladies, if you elect to have this surgery, you too will have the pleasure of providing this valuable specimen. They want to make sure you aren’t pregnant so you don’t make your unborn fetus retarded from all the drugs they inject you with.
I explained how incredibly dehydrated I was (and couldn’t um, provide a sample), so they started me on an IV drip and some eyedrops. After a few minutes, I was good to go. I went back into the bathroom, IV and all. Yes, they have a hook for the IV bag in the bathroom. Hooray.
Skipping ahead.
I got a fancy gown, booties, and a hair cap. I had to remove all of my jewelry (which was a LOT) and it took what felt like 15 minutes to get it all off and into the “Personal Belongings” bag.
The nurse injected some feel-good juice into my IV. Bout time, I was about to pass out from nervousness. I made sure to tell them that I wanted the maximum dose of drugs legally allowed. The doctor came in and gave me a “block.” I then tried to open my eye, and couldn’t. *shrug* Apparently that’s what the block is for.
After that it’s fuzzy. I think they wheeled me into the operating room. I couldn’t see a thing. Or at least I don’t remember seeing a thing so it doesn’t matter. Several incoherent, awesome, drug-induced dreams later, they wheeled me back into the recovery room, where they presented me with breakfast.
I was still very much druggy at this point, but this food was the best thing I’d ever eaten. And the coffee was the best thing I’d ever drank. And I don’t drink coffee. The food was cinnamon raisin bread from Costco and the eggs were from… a chicken.
Freaking delicious. I ate at my own slow pace, and I don’t know but I think I took too long because the nurses said “Take your time,” which always means “Hurry the F#*@ up.” I got dressed, and was helped out to the waiting room.
Everything was yellow in my left eye, because they gave me some iodine eye drops. I also couldn’t fully open my eye for a while, but I could already tell that my vision had improved.
No pain, really… it just feels like there’s an eyelash in my eye. Like… INSIDE my eye. And my pupil is still dilated some 6 hours later. I’m getting wicked bad halos around every tiny bit of light. I’m hoping that’s just because my eye is dilated. And I can see! Aside from the halos.
They gave me a boatload of eyedrops to take at varying intervals of time. It’s going to get complicated, so I made a spreadsheet to keep them straight because I’m a nerd like that.
I have to say that after this… I can’t wait to have my other eye done!! Truly enjoyable experience.. I don’t know why I was nervous.
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Update: 05/01/08- First post-operative day
I woke up this morning, took the pirate eye patch off, and surprise! I could see! No halos whatsoever, and my vision seemed better than my right eye which had a contact in it. I had a follow-up appointment with the eye doc, and they said my vision was 20/30! Not perfect, but a far cry from 20/600 or whatever it was before the operation. They said there’s still some swelling, so my vision would probably fluctuate for a few days and then stabilize. So it might be even better than 20/30. It doesn’t matter much though, I’m happy no matter what. Like I said, I can see, and I’m free from glasses and contacts! What could be better than that? Absolutely perfect vision? Well, yes. But it’s pretty darn close.
I’ve been putting various drops in every hour. I was bad though, I forgot my drops when I went out today for a few hours. Oh MAN did my eye and head hurt. I’ll never do that again! (hopefully) I felt good enough to drive around today, although I was a bit disoriented because of one eye had a lense implanted and the other had a contact lense on the outside of it. Ah well.
My laser appt. for the right eye is on Monday. I know that’s going to SUUUUCK! But at least I’ll know that in the end, it’ll be worth it. I’ll keep updating this for my right eye as well. Hopefully it won’t be too redundant. Bedtime!
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Update: 5/5/08
Laser Iridotomy on right eye:
Much easier this time! The doctor zapped the crap out of my eye… I wasn’t counting but it was at least 20 clicks of the red laser. And he pressed the eye tube REALLY HARD into my eye. He explained this by saying “I’m putting a little pressure on it deliberately…”
…To which I responded: “Yeah, I know… ow.”
This I could feel beyond the numbing eye drops. But, no matter. The laser was much easier this time… partially because I knew what to expect, and partially because I knew that all of this pain would be worth it in the end! The vision in my left eye is still crisp and clear. I have a feeling I’m seeing even better than when they tested my vision post-op.
Ahh… it’s going to be so nice to go on tour and not have to worry about my eyesight. I won’t have to bring my contacts and solution, I won’t have to worry about my contacts drying out in the breezy back seat of the van, or losing my “vision crutches” in some miscellaneous city. I’m super duper excited. Surgery’s on Wednesday!! I’m really looking forward to another one of those Costco cinnamon raisin breads… mmm.
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Update: 5/7/08 …6:40am
Wish I could say I am ready. But I’m not. I’m nervous, but not as nervous as before. Just.. so.. tired! And hungry. That cinnamon raisin bread never sounded so good.
Well, I’m off to face the IV, scalpel, and all that. Yay?
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Update: 5/12/08
What, I didn’t update this after the second surgery?
Pfft, well I’m a jerk. Seriously I thought I did, but it may have been a daydream.
The surgery on the right eye went well. I kept asking the nurse for more drugs because I wasn’t “out” like I was the first time. She obliged. Then I asked for more, because I still wasn’t out. She said I’d have to ask the anesthesiologist because she wasn’t authorized to give me any more.
So, I got wheeled off to the operating room. I must’ve asked the anesthesiologist a million times for more drugs, but the only thing I remember is him telling me “You need to stop asking me that.”
*shrug* I guess I’m a druggie? But for real I was freaking out because I was awake and didn’t want to be. They had me lie down on the operating platform thing and, well… I could see everything. It was blurry, of course, but I could see it. And I could feel it. I could feel them injecting my eye with incredible amounts of goo, and I could feel them trying to suck the goo out. Everything had a pink hue to it. Blood? Maybe. Gross.
After the surgery, they wheeled me back into the recovery room and gave me breakfast. Believe me when I say that I didn’t want to eat ANYTHING after all of those drugs. The coveted Costco cinnamon raisin bread I was craving before the surgery seemed like fuel to a barf factory afterwards. I could barely even drink the delicious coffee with cream and sugar. I told them to get me a to-go box, so they packed up the raisin bread for me.
We went home, and I was out for the remainder of the evening because I was woozy. I never did end up eating that cinnamon raisin bread. In fact, it’s still in my room and has probably transformed into a cinnamon raisin bread monster at this point.
But hey, I can see now! Things are looking pretty snazzy and it’s only just now starting to sink in that I won’t have to wear contacts or glasses anymore.
I’m seeing halos on lights at night sometimes… like at concerts and stuff (dammit!), but I’m hoping that will go away. Also I’ve been having nightmares about this lense implant getting dislodged and messed up. Hmm.
Would I recommend this surgery? Yeahhh… but it’s not a very enthusiastic recommendation. If you like surgeries, I’m sure this will be a breeze for you. If you’re a skittish wimp like me… make sure you’re a brave skittish wimp? It’ll be worth it?
That’s it for now! Stay tuned for more updates…
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Update: 5/13/08
Went to the drive-ins to see Iron Man tonight (yeah!!) I saw freakin’ halos around everything; huge halos. Halos around the street lights around the screen, headlights, and halos around points of light on the screen even. Friggin’ annoying. Driving home was an interesting experience. The halos seemed to come and go every few minutes or so. Like I said I hope they go away, otherwise what’s the point of putting down the 8k to get my eyeballs fixed? I never had halos before, and always had excellent night vision (with glasses or contacts of course) Ah well. What’s done is done. Can’t I just rip out my eyeballs? That would be effective.
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beingbobbyorr:
I did not notice any distortions or artifacts from the iridotomy.
I will ask the doctor about the halos when I go in for a 2 week follow-up later this week and let everyone know what he says. If he even answers my questions. He’s very anti social and unpleasant, actually. But, he was the only surgeon performing the Visian ICL procedure in this area (sigh)
I like the idea of what Nancy is using: the drops to temporarily reduce the appearance of halos. I will ask about that for sure. However, the halos have been lessening quite a bit… and it’s weird but if I try to focus on a bright light in a dimly lit situation, I can almost make the halos disappear. Maybe I’m crazy, but it seems to work. There are distortions at night though, similar to the glare on a dirty lense when a bright light is shone on it. I suppose I will either get used to it or it’ll go away with time. The mild annoyances associated with these implants are worth the clear sight I have gained from them.
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Updated: 5/26/08
Went to a 2 week follow-up appointment. So, apparently I have 20/30 vision in each eye and 20/20 with both eyeballs. Sweet! It was worth it, then. The doc prescribed me Alphagan P for the halos. He said to put them in 30 mins before dusk and it should last 12 hours or so. I asked if the halos would ever go away completely and he said probably not. That’s one thing they don’t tell you before you get the surgery!
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Updated: 10/28/2008
It’s been about 6 months since the surgery, so I’m guessing it’s about time to do another update! The halos and glare had been bugging me for quite some time. Up until about 2-3 weeks ago, they had been so annoying that I just wanted to scratch at my eyeballs. Then, it improved! The halos only appeared under extremely dim lighting conditions, such as nighttime when there was only one or two street lights. I think that either I’ve finally trained my pupils to constrict when in low light (I swear I can do this on command now), or the halos are going away like the doctor said they would. Either way, they are getting better. And it may be a figment of my imagination, but sometimes I feel like my vision is even crisper than it was a few weeks ago. Like when I’m in my favorite supermarket, PW. I don’t know why but I feel like I can see really well in there. Perhaps I am just crazy.
I have, however, noticed an increase in floaters in my vision when I look at my computer monitor. I suspect I’ll need some serious eyeball surgery to either remove these ICLs or reattach my retinas when I get older, but for now– I can see! And that is a wonderful thing when your vision was as bad as mine used to be.
